The online dating world can feel like a battlefield: endless swiping, cringe-worthy first messages, and the constant nagging doubt – “will this ever work?”. But for some women, it’s a thriving oasis brimming with exciting possibilities. They see it as a launchpad for new connections and friendships, not just awkward dates and endless swiping marathons. So, what’s their secret weapon? Why do they thrive where others struggle?
The truth is, online dating success for women isn’t about blind luck – it’s about cultivating the right approach and mindset, plus a few clever strategies to streamline the process. Here are 10 habits & strategies successful female online daters swear by to find love (or just great connections) through online dating.
1. To Love Online Dating, They Commit To The Process.
Finding love online isn’t a quick fix. It’s a journey filled with exciting connections, interesting conversations, and maybe even a few awkward moments. The key difference for successful online daters (women) is their commitment to the process.
Here’s what that means:
- Be Clear on Your Goals: Before you dive in, take some time to reflect on what you’re looking for. Are you seeking a casual fling, a long-term relationship, or something in between? Knowing your goals will help you tailor your profile and navigate potential matches with intention.
- Wholehearted Participation: Don’t approach online dating with half measures. You get what you put in. Invest time and effort in creating a stellar profile, sending thoughtful messages, and engaging in genuine conversations.
By committing to the process, you transform online dating from a passive pursuit to an active adventure. You’ll be more likely to attract compatible partners who share your commitment and enthusiasm for finding love.
2. They Analyze Their Dating Profiles.
The most successful online daters have turned a critical eye on their own profiles, understanding what is working and what’s not. Some will even ask their dates what they liked about their profile. They notice patterns with the kind of people they’re attracting with their profile.
And—this one is important—they make it easy for people to ask them out. The path to asking them on a date is simple—maybe they mention liking a certain bar, or wanting to try all the best coffee spots in a certain area of town. They say they’re always down for X activity. They lessen the amount of work the other person has to do to ask them out—and thus the invitations start flooding in.
3. They Consider Paying For Premium.
No, this isn’t an ad from an online dating platform. For a long time, I was incredibly hesitant to invest any money into online dating—I mean, I’m a straight woman! Am I really going to pay for a dating app?
My online dating life was a swiping slog until a (male!) friend offered a surprising solution – a dating app subscription! I’d swipe mindlessly, get a flood of matches later (when I wasn’t in the mood to chat), and end up with a pile of unmessaged connections.
For apps like Tinder or Bumble, subscriptions are a game-changer. They show you who has already liked you! This meant I could browse profiles when I had the energy, match with interesting people, and message them at my convenience. It was way more engaging than endless swiping. My decision to subscribe to Bumble was fueled by another perk – Bumble BFF. I was new in town and wanted to make new friends too. The subscription covered both services, making it a win-win.
4. They Message Strategically, With A First Date In Mind.
Successful online daters ditch the mindless swiping frenzy. They take the time to invest in reading profiles and finding matches who share their values and interests. Quality over quantity is their game!
Once they spark a connection, they don’t get stuck in online purgatory. They take the initiative to suggest a call or schedule a first date in a public place to move things from screen to reality.
They don’t wait for the other person to make the first move. These daters are proactive – they strike up conversations, ask engaging questions, and keep the vibe positive. One-word replies are a major turn-off!
Skip the generic openers. Experience shows that questions like “how was your weekend?” fizzle out fast. Instead, reference something specific from their profile or get straight to the point – ask them out! Remember, the goal is to meet in person, not chat endlessly. Protracted online conversations can lead to frustration. You’re putting in effort, but it feels like you’re not getting anywhere.
5. They Aim For Kind, Not Nice.
While being friendly and approachable is key, successful online daters understand the power of genuine kindness. “Nice” brings to mind someone who doesn’t always show up authentically, because they’re afraid of confrontation. Kindness thinks long-term, is clear and direct without being rude, and still considers the other person’s feelings.
Nice: “Sure (to a second date)”… and then never follows through when messaged.
Kind: “I had a good time on our first date and you seem great, but I think we’re looking for different things in our relationships. Best of luck to you in the dating world.”
Nice: Feels bad about not responding to messages and makes up excuses about their phone being broken, or responds with low-effort one word answers.
Kind: “I apologize for taking a while to get back to you—things are kind of crazy for me right now at work and I might not be able to message back consistently/plan a date right now/go on that second date for a while. I’m still interested, but can I get back to you in a week or so when my schedule clears up?”
By embracing kindness, you attract partners who value respect, authenticity, and healthy communication. This fosters stronger connections and paves the way for a more fulfilling online dating experience. Remember, kindness is a two-way street. Don’t hesitate to walk away from situations where you’re treated with disrespect or inconsideration. You deserve a partner who appreciates your true self and treats you with kindness in return. Which brings us to…
6. They Are Okay With Feeling Disagreeable.
When we say disagreeable, we say it knowing that many women struggle with people-pleasing behaviors and boundary-setting. What feels disagreeable to you might actually be healthy confidence & assertiveness. (We don’t actually mean be rude and unlikeable.) Here are some examples:
Overly Agreeable: “Sure, I understand. I guess we can do next Thursday if I move my appointment.”
Assertive & Confident: “Sorry, that’s the second time you’ve flaked on me on the day of our date—I don’t think we’re compatible in our communication styles. Best of luck to you out there.”
Overly Agreeable: “Sure, we can go bowling.” Hates bowling, dreads date
Assertive & Confident: “Tbh, I hate bowling 🙂 Why don’t we try the mini-golf place next door instead?”
Overly Agreeable: Stays on date for another two hours even though the person is an a**hole
Assertive & Confident (while still prioritizing safety): “Thanks for the date—I’d better go now before my cat gets upset with me!” Leaves awful date two hours early, isn’t afraid of momentary awkwardness or slight rudeness in favor of prioritizing safety, cuts losses & runs
Women who feel confident in the online dating world prioritize their safety and establish clear boundaries. They trust their gut instincts and don’t hesitate to cut communication if something feels off. In short, they don’t entertain nonsense, and they have an abundance mindset—there’s better options waiting out there for them if someone isn’t acting appropriately. They aren’t afraid of awkwardness if it mean prioritizing themselves and their safety.
7. They See Every Date As An Opportunity for Connection, Adventure, and Learning.
Don’t fall into the trap of viewing dates solely as a potential stepping stone to “the one.” Successful online daters see every date, even if it doesn’t lead to a second one, as a valuable experience. Here’s why:
- Connection, Not Just Chemistry: Dates are opportunities to connect with another human being, share stories, and learn something new. Whether sparks fly or not, there’s always the chance to build a genuine connection, even if it’s a friendship.
- Embrace the Adventure: Approach each date with an adventurous spirit. See it as a chance to explore new places, try new activities, and step outside your comfort zone. It’s a chance to create fun memories, even if they’re not with your forever person.
- Learning from Every Interaction: Every date, successful or not, offers a valuable learning experience. Reflect on what went well and what you could improve for future interactions. Did you learn something new about yourself or what you’re looking for in a partner? Did you practice your charisma and conversation skills? Are you proud of yourself for directing the conversation when your date couldn’t?
By adopting this mindset, you shift the focus from finding love at first swipe to enjoying the journey of meeting new people and learning from each interaction. This positive attitude makes you a more attractive date and keeps online dating fun and engaging.
8. They Continue Their Real Life & Don’t Over-Invest.
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A common pitfall I see with people who claim to hate online dating is that they abandon their entire life when they get excited about someone new. They become laser-focused on this budding relationship, constantly thinking about this person and getting overly invested. They question if this could be “the one” and prematurely halt their dating efforts before the other person has even committed. Because hey, they’ve potentially found a partner, right? This often leads to clearing their social calendars to spend all their time with their new love interest.
Then, inevitably, things fizzle out with this person. And what are they left with? Memories of a disappointing online dating experience. No wonder they decide they dislike online dating! They let it take over their life for a short period, placing all their hopes on one person.
Here’s the key: It’s unhealthy to over-invest in someone too soon. A healthy relationship requires a real, committed effort from both parties, proven by actions, not just words. Don’t ditch your life for online dating! Keep putting yourself out there and nurturing your existing social circles. This way, if things don’t work out with one person, you’ll have a fulfilling life to fall back on and the opportunity to meet new people.
9. They Have (A Bit Of) Main Character Syndrome.
Take a step back from your awkward or terrible date, and look at the big picture. For every five dates you go on, maybe one will be good, one will have a funny story, two will be boring, and one will be god-awful-oh-my-god-what-a-waste-of-time. But hey! If that’s what you have to do, that’s what you have to do. Ignore your friend who married the first person she met on Tinder. You’ll come out of this with a series of stories about this time in your life—this is a chapter in your book, and it’s going to be a juicy one.
10. They Create Optimistic But Realistic Expectations.
Women who thrive in online dating understand it’s not a magic fix. They’ve shed the fairytale notion of a prince charming arriving to solve all their problems. Instead, they focus on finding a complementary partner, someone who enhances their already fulfilling life, not defines it. Compatibility and shared goals trump unrealistic expectations.
They also avoid falling into negativity. Yes, online dating comes with its share of frustrating encounters. But these women choose optimism. They believe in finding love and put their best foot forward with confidence. They are open communicators, attracting partners who appreciate them for who they truly are.
In essence, they embrace a healthy dose of romanticism, minus the fairy tale excess.
and an extra tip…
11. They Keep a Dating Journal.
One habit that can truly empower you in the online dating world is keeping a dating journal. It’s a powerful tool for self-discovery, allowing you to track your progress, celebrate your wins, and learn from any setbacks. This self-awareness is key to attracting healthy relationships. Plus, it creates a wonderful memento of your journey, a way to look back on your growth and remember the lessons learned. For those seeking a guided approach, our journal offers a framework to help you take charge of your dating journey and create the love life you desire.
By adopting these habits, you can transform your online dating experience from a struggle to a success story. Remember, finding love online takes time and effort, but with the right mindset and approach, you can conquer the swipe zone and find your perfect match. Best of luck out there, and happy dating!